Why Relationships Matter

Before leaving earth and going to prepare a place for us Jesus commissioned His followers to make disciples (Matt. 28:18-20). He had given us tremendous examples of how to do that.  He spent time with the 72 later in His ministry.  He spent a great deal of personal time with the 12 throughout His ministry teaching them the things that they needed to focus on as they would take His gospel message to the world.  He seemed to be especially close to 3 of them within that group. And then there was “the disciple whom Jesus loved”.  Jesus seemed to be a little closer to John than even Peter and James.  The point is, Jesus was not someone who just knew these men and showed up in their lives occasionally.  He had a close relationship with them and He taught them the importance of relationship when we disciple other people. 

Paul wrote his letters and we saw from his life how important making disciples was to him. He had a close relationship with Barnabas, Timothy, John Mark, Apollos, Priscilla and Aquilla, and many others.  When we really look closely at how making disciples was done in scripture, we see the importance of relationships. We see that discipleship requires a personal investment in another person or persons. 

God, the Father, is relational. The Father was, and continues to be, in relationship with the Son and the Holy Spirit. When He created man and woman He did so with the idea of having a relationship with each of them. He also intended for them to have a special relationship with one another and to help one another.  God gave man and woman to each other to be the relationship above all other human relationships.  He intends for us to be relational people.  All of God’s commandments can be summed up by relationships – love God and love people.

When it comes to discipleship, if we are going to do it like Jesus, we are going to need to invest ourselves in a relationship with the one we are discipling.  Jesus never intended for his Church to attempt real discipleship from a pulpit once a week.  Don’t get me wrong; there is definitely a place for expositional teaching and preaching. But real discipleship is done in the context of individual relationships.  This is why small groups are so important. 

Small groups usually consist of between 2-10 people.  They are led by a spiritually mature leader who has the goal of helping the disciples under his care grow to the point that they can go on to disciple others.  As the close relationships are developed, the leader begins to get a sense of where the disciple is in his level of spiritual growth.  He listens to the kinds of questions being asked, the attitudes being exhibited, the comments being made, and watches the involvement in service for the Lord. The leader teaches the disciples the things needed to mature so that he/she can go on to do the same for another young believer. The leader gauges when the disciple is ready, much like a parent watches for signs that their child has become a young adult and begins to give them more freedom and responsibility. 

This kind of discipleship takes time.  We must be willing to invest in another individual to be obedient to the Great Commission.  We can’t just show up to teach a class once a week and believe we are doing discipleship.  We never see that model in scripture. Jesus taught the masses but He did so to call people to Himself.  We should call people to Jesus but we need to go further and develop close personal relationships with people so that we can monitor and help them to grow into Christ-likeness.

Please don’t think that I’m against expositional teaching.  It has its place.  Its place is to impart information, share knowledge, explain the scriptures, and challenge thinking. We can even challenge people to make a new commitment through expositional teaching.  But how will you know if the commitment made has been followed through on.  You must have a close relationship with the disciple to know that. 

Who knows you best?  Your family does.  They live with you, play with you, eat with you, see you at your best and at your worst.  In order to really do discipleship the way Jesus intended, we need to know the people we are discipling and they need to know us almost as well as our own family.  You don’t get that from expositional teaching in a classroom setting. 

I hope you understand that I’m not concerned with doing away with exposition.  I believe it’s important and we have some very fine expository teachers in our churches. I am concerned about us fulfilling the Great Commission and carrying on effective discipleship for future generations.  Maybe your thinking has been challenged, and if you’re not currently in a discipleship relationship with at least 2-10 people, I hope you understand that you can and should make this a regular part of your life. If you need guidance in how to get started just comment and let me know you need some help and I'll be glad to offer some direction.  The future of the Church depends on it.